Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
