yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
