I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
