That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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