ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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