Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
