Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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