you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
