I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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