There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
