Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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