So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
