I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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