so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
