You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
