Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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