dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
