You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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