The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
