im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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