my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
