If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
