she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
