went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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