We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
