Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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