yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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