I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
