I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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