just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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