oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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