***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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