i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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