how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
