a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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