don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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