I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
