erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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