How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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