my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
