Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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