I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
