So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize