was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
