i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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