Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
