Banned from zoo.
Again?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
