it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
