oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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