I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
why is half of my head shaved?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
