I accidentally had phone sex last night
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize