Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
