i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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