I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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