5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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