he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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