Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
