I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
