3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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