Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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