i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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