Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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