The maid of honor just puked.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
