just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
