Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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