my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
