She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
