I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
